Over the last 5 years I have become slightly obsessed with this idea of opting out of the default.
And by opting out of the default, I don’t mean bringing total and complete chaos to your life overnight…. although obviously I do really LOVE a dramatic reinvention story. LOL
I mean in the everyday sense of actually stopping long enough to ask yourself: Do I really want this, or did I just absorb the idea that this is what life is supposed to look like?
I truly think so many of us can move through life checking boxes without even realizing we’re doing it.
We grow up, go to school, get a job, maybe get married, buy a house, fill the house with stuff (that we don’t need, btw), raise kids, stay busy, save for retirement, and keep telling ourselves that eventually we’ll have more time.
Eventually we’ll travel, eventually we’ll slow down, eventually we’ll do the things we really want to do. And the closer I get to 50, I’m not interested in waiting for eventually anymore.
I want to know what I actually want NOW.
I want to question the things that I’ve always assumed were just part of life. And I have SO many questions. 😆 I want more freedom, more travel, more connection, more fun, more experiences, more time outside, more curiosity, and just more of the things that make me feel really alive.
I think that is what opting out of the default is really about. It isn’t rejecting a normal life just for the sake of being different, and it isn’t deciding that everything traditional is wrong. It is simply waking up enough to realize that you are allowed to choose.
The Default Life Isn’t Bad, But It Should Still Be Chosen
I want to be really clear about this because I don’t think opting out of the default means rejecting everything traditional or deciding that normal life is somehow bad. I love being married. I love being a mom. I love having a home. There are plenty of things about my life that I would absolutely choose over and over again.
That’s not the point. The point is asking whether we actually chose the things in our lives or whether we simply moved into them because they were the next expected step. There is a huge difference between saying, “This is what I want,” and saying, “Well, this is what people do.”
That is the question I keep coming back to: Did I choose this? Would I still choose it today? Does this still fit who I am? If nobody else got a vote, what would I want instead?
Those questions can get a little uncomfortable, but I also think they’re incredibly freeing. Sometimes the answer is, “Yes. I love this. I still want it.” Perfect. Keep it. But sometimes the answer is, “Actually…no. I think I want something different now.” And I think we should pay attention to that.
I’m Questioning a Lot of Things Right Now
One of the biggest things I’ve been questioning is this idea that we’re supposed to wait until later to really start living.
Why do we save so much of life for retirement? Why do we talk about the trips we want to take someday instead of figuring out how to take some of them now? Why do we spend so much of our lives buying and collecting things when some of the best and most beautiful moments we have involve experiences, people, nature, travel, laughter, conversations, and memories?
I love dreaming about traveling more and seeing new places. I love the idea of taking trips every few months, staying somewhere long enough to actually experience what life there feels like, going to the grocery store, finding the local coffee shop, hiking, wandering around, and seeing whether a place feels like somewhere we could live someday. That excites me way more than buying another thing for the house.
And speaking of houses, I’ve been questioning that too. For years we’re taught that success means upgrading: bigger house, nicer car, more square footage, more stuff, more everything. Meanwhile, I keep looking at tiny homes thinking, “That looks like my idea of perfection.” LOL
Don’t get me wrong, I DO very much want a home that feels cozy and beautiful, but I don’t necessarily want bigger. For me, that has been a huge realization. Maybe more isn’t always the goal. Maybe enough is the goal. Maybe freedom is the goal.
Midlife Has Made Me Care Less About What Things Look Like
I think one of the best things about getting older is that I am slowly caring less and less about what my life looks like from the outside. I care about how it feels, and that is a very different measurement.
I don’t need everything to look impressive. I don’t need to make choices because they make sense to everyone else. I don’t want to make decisions just because people my age are “supposed” to do certain things. I’m starting YouTube, I’m building a podcast, I’m creating a business around things I genuinely care about, and I want to travel more, follow random interests, try things, be a beginner, dream bigger, spend more time with my kids while they’re still home, put my phone down more, read books that make me question my life, and just keep following the fun.
Sometimes the Default Is Hiding in Very Ordinary Things
Opting out of the default doesn’t always mean selling your house and moving across the country, although obviously I would love to talk about that too. Sometimes it is much smaller.
It might mean realizing that your entire family is spending way more time on screens than you want and deciding you’re going to change it. It might mean choosing a family game night instead of everybody disappearing into separate rooms. (This is our current reality right now LOL) It might mean not signing your child up for every single activity because you want some actual breathing room in your family life. It might mean saying no to something you always say yes to, clearing out half your closet, taking the trip before everything is perfectly lined up, or starting the thing you’ve been thinking about for five years.
It might mean deciding that you don’t want to spend your weekends recovering from your weekdays. Maybe you want a slower life, or a more adventurous one, or a more creative one, or a simpler one. That’s what I love about this idea so much. There is no single way to opt out because the entire point is that you get to choose.
What If “Normal” Isn’t Actually Right for You?
We can get so used to something being normal that we stop questioning whether it’s actually good for us. It’s normal to be constantly busy, to spend hours on our phones, to be stressed, to have houses full of things we don’t use, to put off traveling, to be exhausted, and to say, “Maybe someday.”
But just because something is common doesn’t mean we have to accept it as inevitable. That has become one of my favorite little mental exercises. Whenever I catch myself thinking, “Well, that’s just how life is,” I flip the switch and ask, “Is it? Or is that just how we’ve been doing it?“
Those are two very different things.
You Can Be Grateful and Still Want Something Different
This is a big one for women, especially moms. I think sometimes we feel guilty for wanting change because we have good lives, and we immediately think, “Who am I to want more? I should be grateful for what I have.”
And yes, gratitude matters. I am incredibly grateful for my family and my life, but gratitude does not require stagnation.
You can love your life and still want to change parts of it. You can appreciate everything you have and still want more freedom. You can love your home and still dream about somewhere else. You can love being a mom and still want to rediscover yourself. You can have a perfectly good life and still feel a little voice saying, “There might be more for us out there.”
I don’t think that voice always means you’re ungrateful. Sometimes I think it means you’re awake.
What Would You Choose If Nobody Else Got a Vote?
This might be one of my favorite questions ever: What would you choose if nobody else got a vote?
Not your parents, not your friends, not your extended family, not the people on social media, and not the people who might think your idea is irresponsible or weird or unrealistic. One of the best quotes I’ve ever read is this: Never take advice from someone you wouldn’t trade places with. Even more so, don’t consider their opinions or judgement for one single second.
Instead look inward and ask yourself:
What would you want? Where would you live? How would you spend your days? What would you stop doing? What would you start doing? What would you try? Where would you go? What would success look like?
Would your house be bigger or smaller? Would you work more or less? Would you travel more? Would you create something? Would you change careers? Would you spend more time outside? Would you simplify? Would you slow down? Would you finally do that thing you keep talking yourself out of?
You don’t have to act on every answer tomorrow. That’s not the point. The point is giving yourself permission to hear the answer.
I Want to Talk About This a Lot More
This idea is becoming a huge part of what I’m exploring through my podcast, YouTube, this blog, and every single product I’m creating. I’m talking to people who have completely disrupted their lives: people who changed careers, downsized, sold everything and traveled, started over, built businesses, moved somewhere completely different, or decided that the traditional version of success wasn’t their version of success.
I think we need examples of people doing life differently because sometimes seeing someone else make a brave, unconventional choice reminds us that we have choices too.
Maybe you don’t want their exact life, and you don’t have to. But their story might make you ask a question about your own, and I think those questions can change everything.
Maybe You Don’t Need to Blow Up Your Life
You don’t have to quit your job tomorrow. You don’t have to sell your house. You don’t have to move to another country. You don’t have to completely reinvent yourself by Friday.
Maybe your first step is much smaller. Put your phone down tonight. Go for the walk. Book the weekend away. Start the savings account. Write the first page. Declutter the room. Research the town. Take the class. Apply for the thing. Ask your kids what they want to do together. Say no to something that drains you. Say yes to something that lights you up. Follow one little thing that feels interesting, even if you don’t know where it leads.
Maybe opting out of the default starts with noticing what feels good, what doesn’t, what you’ve accepted without questioning, and what keeps tugging at you. Then maybe it becomes giving yourself permission to choose again.
Because ultimately, I don’t think the goal is to create the most impressive life. I think the goal is to create one that feels like yours and THAT sounds pretty amazing to me.
So I’ll leave you with the question I keep asking myself: What part of your life would you choose differently if nobody else got a vote?
Have the most amazing day 💛
